A long-term client of mine called to tell me that he had just learned that he had a terminal illness – it was a medical problem that appeared suddenly appeared. He was about 70 and his wife about the same. Their children were self-supporting adults, out of the house. Both he and his wife were retired – he was collecting Social Security and a pension. He had always handled the family finances. The house was paid off. His wife had a lot of local friends and many volunteer activities that she enjoyed. She was frantic and had become depressed, as she couldn’t stop thinking about the space in her future that would be so empty and how she would manage things. She was paralyzed with fright. When she thought about the future, all she could see was jumbled chaos.
The husband brought his wife with him to meet with me. We talked about the survivor’s benefit on his pension and the bump-up in Social Security that she would receive. We looked over the assets and showed her how they would transition to her ownership and would not be lost. We sketched out a plan of steps to be taken “when the time comes,” and we reviewed and updated their powers of attorney, health care proxies and Wills. We talked about ways she could keep him comfortable at home at the end, and what benefits could help with that. We discussed hospice and when it would make sense to bring in that support. The husband dictated his wishes for his funeral arrangements, which were typed up for his signature. We also mapped out the budget so that his wife could see that she could comfortably remain in the house “afterwards.”
By focusing on a set of specific decisions and steps in an orderly way, my client’s wife became less afraid for her future. Sad, yes, but less afraid and less worried. She felt more confident that as they began moving through this terrible transition, she would have a framework for decisions and would know how to approach each decision as it became necessary.
Careful planning can prevent a crisis. Call us for advice on elder care and end of life planning….. 732-382-6070